(this post was written in Spring 2016)
I generally like to be in step with the rhythm of the seasons, but right now Spring is yelling at me to “Get up! Get out! Bloom already!” and I want to tell it to go to hell. While nature buzzes with the excitement of tree buds and hopping bunnies, inside my head winter dreariness is still going strong.
There is no way around it. A family situation is filling my days with unpleasant tasks, pressing deadlines and big decisions that have no pleasant outcome. It’s a difficult time and frankly I am okay with settling into that difficulty and letting Spring pass me by this year.
And don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t. Because you know what? It’s okay to have periods of sadness.
It really is okay, even though the photographic evidence on social media shows your friends experiencing only joy, joy, joy. It really is okay, even though pop gurus tell us happiness is only ten simple steps away.
The truth is that we all have seasons when sadness is the most appropriate emotion that we can feel. Well meaning friends and our own inner critic may pressure us to try and snap out of it, but that only creates an anxiety that tires us even more. Feeling bad about feeling bad is self defeating.
On the other hand, sinking into full-blown depression is not the answer either and some of us (ahem) are more biologically prone to that than others. So here is what I do in seasons of sadness:
1) I let myself feel sad.
2) I try to stay in tune with my gut (intuition.)
That means keeping a handle on what feels right and what feels off for my well-being. For example, “It will be a real effort to go out to dinner with a friend tonight but it feels like that will help me get out of my head.” Or “I should really tackle another item on the to-do list but it feels like I need to rest my mind for awhile and watch a movie.”
Your gut can help you find the balance between what you “should” do and what feels right for your mind/body/spirit. You’ll know you’re in tune when you are doing a mixture of both.
3) I hold onto my thread.
A thread is made up of practices, images and beliefs that connect you to your essential self.
My thread is stepping out onto my driveway every night and looking up at the trees before going to bed. It is the mental image I visit throughout the day that I am part of a chain of spirits and ancestors long gone and future generations to come. It is the belief that love and compassion (for myself and others) is the purpose of life, the purpose of the Universe.
(Of course, first you need to find what your thread is.) You find your thread by focusing on what you know for certain to be true. Then you determine the practices, images and statements of beliefs that will take you back to that truth whenever you are in danger of becoming lost. Everybody’s thread looks different. It is what we hold onto to keep from falling down the rabbit hole of despair.
So Spring is arriving with its fresh smells and vibrant colors and my friends are posting fabulous vacation pics. Meanwhile, I’m stuck inside at meetings with treatment staff and endless to-do lists. And I’m sad about it. That’s okay.
We all have seasons of difficulty, but life goes on and we can find peace again. I have a strong sense of my intuition and I have my thread. I am okay. You are too, even if you are sad.