Behind the teen’s question, “How do I know that what I see as blue is the same as what you see as blue?” is a fear, a fear that there are no words to bridge the chasm between my inner experience and yours. “What if every time I see blue, it looks like yellow looks to you?” We will never know, and so we live side by side, you seeing yellow and calling it blue, and me wanting to believe that we understand each other and see the same thing.

This past week, I told someone I am just starting to know something personal about myself. Nothing big and no big deal, I thought.

Today, I heard their take on my words and jarringly realized that what I had offered as a clearer glimpse into who I am had instead distorted how this person sees me. Being misunderstood in this way makes me a bit sad.

So much of our inner experience cannot be described and add to that all the layers of story revealing who we really are and it’s a wonder that we ever have those magical encounters of feeling truly seen, truly heard by someone new.

What if it wasn’t so rare and instead we learned how to see past idiosyncrasies, personality differences and into each other’s story in such a way that reveals the beauty of their humanness? I’ll tell you, it’s so easy as a spiritual director to see the beauty of each person who sits in my office and tells me their story. So easy!   

And then I go out into the world and sometimes struggle to hear in that way, to see with love.

Feeling sad today about being misunderstood makes me wonder about all the times I have misunderstood others and caused them to feel distorted, unseen, unheard.

There are countless ways to interpret a person’s words and what you call blue may be my yellow. But if you are telling me something about yourself, I hope to interpret with an aim to meet you in your inner experience and see the beauty in who you are.